Koi

Pramila has lived long. Longer than her husband, who she thought was the genesis of her life. It wasn’t easy to handle the loss. Financially, emotionally, socially, she was exposed from all ends and life was meaningless for her. But what about her kids, you ask? Well, they were grown up, with a life of their own. The girl had a complicated relationship with her partner, too complicated in her opinion, to pull in her mother into it. She gave off hints of her boat in distress, not so subtly. The boy was abroad and distance was not just in kilometres, it was there at heart as well. A year or so Pramila hardly left her house. She was 70 and she thought who could have a renewed life now.


Life has a way of showing its purpose somehow. A school friend from ages ago bumped against her in the bazaar, one day. She looked 10 years younger than Pramila and still as sassy as she was when they had met 30 years back. Bani identified the wrinkled and mentally battered Pramila at a glance. She forced her to accompany her for a cup of tea in her house, nearby. 

Old friends can quickly get up to date about themselves, 30 years of gap closed down with 3 cups of Darjeeling’s first flush and 90 minutes by the clock.


Bani had one comment for Pramila, “Amader koi marcher pran.” Meaning, we females have the life of a carp.

Koi mach er pran? Are you aware this might be a saying used in a negative connotation, for women who outlived their husbands in the pre-independence era? Raja Ram Mohan Roy worked so much.... Bani put her hand up like she was about to surrender and cut Pramila short. You know I never read as much as you. For me this saying means just like koi mach can survive outside water, unlike any other fish; we women can adapt and live outside our comfort zones. Think about it from childhood we have been doing just that, adapting ourselves in our parent’s way of living then completely changing our way of living at our husbands’, then voluntarily jumping into motherhood to put our priorities in the back seat and the list goes on if you decide to stay with your adult children. 

I have to admit, Bani carried on in a single breath that I am a bit surprised to see you in this disorderly state. You were my hero, in life. 

Have you forgotten the Prami, before you became this domesticated self, before you became Mrs Bhanu Majumdar? I haven’t. 

Bani looked at her gold watch and sprang up like a 30 year old. For a split second Pramila wondered if this is her friend Bani or her younger ghost who had re-appeared to save her from her despair. For such tight friends you would expect their souls to visit each other in times of utter distress. 

Before Pramila could come out of her day dream, Bani had already gone in the inner sanctums of her house and returned back with an old yellowed paper. She quickly shoved it in Pramila’s handbag and made her pinky swear that she will see the object stashed inside her bag, once she is calmly settled in her house tonight. 

I can’t believe I have to leave for Siliguri by tonight of all days, added Bani. But I will be back in 10 days and then we will continue the Koi talk between us two shois (friends).

A few hours later Pramila settled in her study table after dinner and finally looked at the aged yellow paper in her bag. A 18-year old Prami smiled back at her with a twinkle in her eyes. It was the photograph taken on her 18th birthday, against her wishes. Against, because it was the photograph that was to be used for finding a suitable groom. All her friends were married and her parents were not willing to let her explore education or work outside their zamindar estate anymore. That smile on her face was for the evening’s event that she had carefully planned. It wasn’t a birthday party or a evening with friends and family. It was her celebration of adulthood and ability to take control of her life. The smile was glued through out that day on her lips because she knew she will be running away from home that day. Running away alone to join the Naxalbari uprising that was in its peak in her town of Siliguri. 

 

Book Review: Grow Up Messy - Middle Grade Book

I won't say I don't read children's books. If I chance upon a good children's fiction I dive right into it, simply because I find them richer in imagination.

Growing Up Messy is a heart warming story which reminded me parts of my childhood having born and brought up in a 2nd tier city of Bengal. Misry's escapades during afternoon hours truly made me connect with her. How many afternoons I must have spent doing the same! How much patience my mother would have shown to tolerate my disobedience.

Right from the character Misry to the descriptions of the world around her and the innocent naughty acts that Misry aka Messy got into reminded me of Tagore's short stories as well.

I think it fits a much wider range of readers apart from middle grade. It can be a good read for mothers because it captures psychology of children and I personally feel it also sets standards for the modern parent. Things like not over indulging your child, making your kid realise the difference between want and need. The very busy parents of today who have high purchasing ability sometimes forget that indulgence is not always the answer. A story like this can be a gentle reminder to them while they read it out as a bedtime story for the young ones.

Book Review: Raven Song (4/5 stars)

Time travel, magic, teleportation, super powers all mixed together in Ashcroft's book makes it an action packed novel. I was in a mind to give it a 3 because I was not sure if I liked the idea of so many strong elements being poured in one story but then I couldn't keep the book down so it defies the usual. (The usual for me is reading two to three books at the same time. The usual for me is to drop reading a book completely because the plot is not interesting). Yes! I am a plot lead reader and they have to be built up and concluded in an interesting way. Ashcroft is good at that.

What helped was the author's descriptive style of writing so the intense scenes almost pop up as visuals in my mind. Almost felt like I am reading a sci-fi movie script at times. Just when you think you understand how the story will now proceed an unpredictable situation happens.

It's a good one for readers looking to tease their brains with some out of the box imagination. Certainly a good read for scifi and magic lovers too. People who love to think and read of the impossible and unusual.

But there are too many questions unanswered, and too much curiosity to know what happens next. So I am definitely looking forward to the sequel. 

The Right side is so beautiful!

The creative side of our brain, the right side is so beautiful.

Gini's Beautiful World

Gini was scared of getting into the pond but her friends coaxed her to go on. The dragonflies buzzed around asking her to go for it, the duckling gave her tips to keep afloat and the little fish were waiting for her to take a dive. The frogs in the corner however were betting she won't jump into the water today. Will Gini go for it?

Book Review: In Other Words by Jhumpa Lahiri

This is my fastest read in a very long time. Every time I picked up this book in the last 3 days I couldn't set it down. I am now a bigger fan of Jhumpa Lahiri (JL) the non-fiction writer than Lahiri, the fiction writer. Its by chance that I came across this book just after my visit to Italy, when I was finding my sudden love for the art and life in that country a little bit ridiculous. How can one be in awe of Italian art and life when there was so much to take in within India. But thats another discussion. It just helps me believe I am not as insane as I sometimes believe myself to be. After all, Italy had the same impact on JL as me.

In Other Words is a must read for all. Its for the ones who are still trying to find themselves or better worded, still trying to find their best selves. The ones who are testing their limits, the ones who are struggling with their imperfections. JL has put a lot of restless doers to rest by saying, "Imperfection inspires invention, imagination, creativity." She is courageous beyond words to take on the challenge to learn a foreign language to the extent that she can write a book. She challenged herself to be in the state of a 2-3 year old kid again, forcing herself to learn how to communicate in Italian just like a kid starts reading and writing his mother tongue. She has embraced that the greatest lesson in life is the process of learning itself and that's why she hasn't stopped at her achievements in the English literature scene.

Challenging the status quo is the only definitive way of growing and In Other Words is Jhumpa Lahiri's way of showing how fearless you need to be to live up to your full potential.

Art-Blast

I am really bereft of time these days and hence switched from oil paintings to sketch pens and pencil colors to keep painting while still having a day job. Here's some of those that I have created in the last few months. Plan to make it a daily habit. Somehow I have managed to create one piece every week now I have to figure out a way to make twice a week, then one every alternate day and so on. Idea is to keep paining till I make it a every day habit and something awesome comes out of it. Here's to colours.

Book Review: To Kill a Mockingbird

Finally a book that I can call as my best read. Its a masterpiece given that I read the 50th anniversary edition and still find it as or rather more interesting than any recent fiction work. A book has perhaps hardly been written so well that readers could identify or get hooked to it after 50 years sitting so far away from America. I can think of a number of reasons for this but mostly my resonance comes due to the beautiful innocent relationship shared between Scout and Jem, a rare read revolving around sibling love. The setting of small town Maycomb and childhood being spent in greenery and summer time games and fun also plays a part. What is however a shame that bias and differentiation among citizens still remains as reality 50 years later based on race, colour or monetary status in different parts of our world.
To sum it up this is one book that I am sure I will read again! Heard a sequel is coming soon, hope to get a copy in hand, how I wish there were more works written by Harper Lee.

I am a time-traveller!

A sudden revisit to my blog made me realize how little time I had given myself in the last  year to curdle any of those flying thoughts into a post.

I blog to keep documenting my thoughts over time. Its a time machine for me to go back to my thinking process and my priorities down the years. Every post that I have published has somehow captured my mental state around that period and by not blogging for a year I have somehow created a loss in my time-line. I remember in great detail what happened and what was the state of my mind last year now but I am sure I wouldn't in 10 years time. Atleast I would not be able to remember the lesser and not so significant events of 2014, which may have subtly affected my character.

Last year was a year of dedication to my craze for entrepreneurship. Even though I couldn't make my venture fly, I worked within the ecosystem of another thriving entrepreneurial venture which taught me a lot. I now know that the venture I head into at any point in the future cannot be lead with the wish to support my luxuries, it has to be something to just quench my thirst to create. It has to be something which will lead to profit but not beyond a small scale industry.

When a company grows from small to medium to large at each phase it loses the initial intention of existence, unless ofcourse its Google. :) As you grow large so does the no. of employees and then enablers become road blocks. The complexity of growing the business itself becomes such a big hurdle that a single man army cannot possibly concentrate on the heart of the business, the product.

I have realized I am a creator more than a marketeer or business woman and hence I have complicated my career, details of which is worth another post.

Having said all of that I should share the two things I created last year :D

I only gathered the time to finish one single oil painting

Also I managed to attend a workshop in the city for wood block printing and designed a few blocks for myself and here's a print:

I hope this year I will curdle chew and publish more posts & share with you many printed creations rather than painted.

I hope I don't create any more loops and gaps in my time travel.

Deep in thought

Life is dull without challenges, there are times when you challenge your brain to look for extraordinaire and this is the product of one such a challenge. I wanted to go beyond the usual of just copying line by line from a photo or image that had inspired me. I changed the material of painting, from canvas to old newspaper.

Keeping the consistency of the water colour was a challenge, sketching out on a thin very delicate newspaper was a challenge even when the brain had suggested the material. A black and white picture of a girl deep in thought is now etched on a newspaper who's fate was a little different from the usual paper, of being sold to the street vendor. 

Art Collection at: siddhanganart.blogspot.in

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When hair means so much

Confessions come first. I would have never thought of blogging about my hair needs but here's a contest that's running in Indiblogger and I couldn't just resist the title. Recharge your hair, recharge your life. I generally introspect about my life and attain a certain stature like a Buddha in most of my posts. Here is an exception, the little girl in me pines for healthy glowing skin and hair and hence I am blogging to get that secret product from Sunsilk just in hope to get a trial of a new product.

Here goes my reason (which may not be very cool) for yearning for a recharge of my hair. I am conscious about my looks beyond just good clothes. The day I am heading out for a meeting or simply meeting friends I spend a few extra minutes looking at the mirror and try to look a little more glowing. The makeup kit has things to spruce up my skin or at least make it look flawless but there is nothing to pump up my hair on a dull-hair day. These are the times I wish I were in 1900s in England where I could hide my dull hair under a fancy hat. I immediately tie my hair into a knot and curse myself for looking so uptight.

I have tried every shampoo and hair product that are available on the shelves of Indian super-markets and even tried some from specialty store but never found anything that can keep my hair alive for more than 24 hours of cleaning my hair.

I wish I could recharge my hair like a mobile is recharged instantly using something and just be happy about being there in the 21st century.  

Book Review: Nobody can love you more; Life in Delhi's red light district

Nobody Can Love You More: Life in Delhi's Red Light District by Mayank Soofi

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


A well-written book in almost a documentary format which the author says in the book was his purpose; has captured the life in GB Road well, right from the sex workers, to the kotha owners and even the shop owners in the area.

It is perhaps known and now I understood well after reading this and Memoirs of a Geisha that stories of these red light areas are pretty much the same at the basic level. Poverty forcing women to take up a profession that no woman can enjoy and some forced into the situation by thugs. These stories increase awareness about a section of the society that is looked down upon yet are victims and not criminals.

A character in Soofi's book, says that the so called gentlemanly society which looks down upon the red light district doesn't understand the contribution of these women in ensuring less rape incidents. I am glad that this point was brought up. The current situation of the country in terms of women's safety however, makes me doubt if any red light area can ever control any animalistic natured beast, which gets sadistic pleasure in victimizing unsuspecting innocent girls/women.

Mayank Soofi wrote this book after years of visiting GB Road and I am curious to know if he still continues it as a habit, for search of more stories?



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Some more art work this year

Smile - Smile can defy any age: Oil Painting

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The greatest Comedian and Satirist in Charcoal

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Ma Ashcen: Water Colours 

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Sini's Life: One part of the illustration that I make and host at

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Inside Out: Oil Painting

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Bookmarked: Rebel Queen, an unknown sikh queen's heroic tale

This is not a blog post. There are time when I come across articles over the net while I am looking for something else, don't have time to delve into the topic as much as I want to and then later when I want to go back to it; I cant find the relevant link.
Here's a story of a woman that I would want to get into by firstly getting my hands onto the documentary which I haven't been able to with my short search. Here's the article I came across.

Rebel Queen – a thorn in the crown

The film Rebel Queen tells the remarkable story of the last Sikh ruler of Lahore – a fearless Maharani who waged two wars against British rule in India. She is an inspiring figure for young Asian women today

Herpreet Kaur Grewal
The Guardian, Friday 31 December 2010


An Indian woman wearing a crinoline over her traditional clothes, and emeralds and pearls under her bonnet, walks in Kensington Gardens in 1861. She is the last Sikh queen of Lahore, the capital of the Punjab empire, and her name is Jindan Kaur. She died two years later, in 1863, and was buried in west London.


Maharani Jindan Kaur's life – much of which was spent raging against the British empire for cheating her out of the Punjab, then a vast country stretching from the Khyber Pass to Kashmir – is the subject of a film called Rebel Queen, which premiered at New York's International Sikh film festival and is set to be shown in the UK in February.


Her revolt began when her husband, the last Maharaja of the Punjab, died of a stroke in 1839 and the British tried to wrest the kingdom from the heir to the throne, her infant son, Duleep Singh. During her rule as regent, Jindan waged two disastrous wars against the British that led to the annexation of the Punjab. She may have made huge strategic errors due to her military inexperience and young age (she was in her early 20s), but Jindan was a fierce ruler. British historian Peter Bance describes her as a "very gutsy woman". "She stood her ground against the British . . . she actively took charge of the Punjab."


Professor Nikky-Guninder Kaur Singh of Colby College, Maine, US, says: "She was remarkable in how she discarded sati and purdah, dominant at the time, and led the courts, had meetings with chief ministers and the armies. All of them were taking her counsel."


Christy Campbell, author of The Maharajah's Box, a book about the Maharani's son, Duleep, says Jindan was "one of the most remarkable characters of 19th-century history, let alone Indian or Sikh history". This is despite the fact that much of what is known about her is "through the words of the British, who regarded her as a threat to their power in Indiaand therefore did their best to make her reputation as bad as possible".


The Maharani was described as "a serious obstacle" to British rule in India. They launched a smear campaign to discredit her, painting her as the "Messalina of the Punjab", a seductress too rebellious to be controlled. She refused to co-operate and the British saw that her influence on Duleep could lead to an uprising among the Punjabi people. They decided to separate mother and son.


Nine-year-old Duleep was taken to England where he converted to Christianity, living the life of a typical English gentleman, with Queen Victoria among his friends. The Maharani Jindan, however, was dragged from the court of Lahore by her hair and thrown into the fortress of Sheikhupura and then Chunar Fort in Uttar Pradesh.


After being imprisoned, she disguised herself as a servant and escaped the fort. She travelled through 800 miles of forest to reach sanctuary in Nepal, where she wrote a letter boasting to the British that she had escaped by "magic". She never regained the kingdom for her son. But they were reunited years later, which prompted the Maharajah to convert back to Sikhism, undoing the work of the British to "brainwash" him.


Her story encouraged American entrepreneur Bicky Singh to fund the production of Rebel Queen with around $25,000 (£15,500). Director Michael Singh, a California-based film-maker, says: "There's great drama and tragedy in her story. She was a heroic figure and was well-documented by the British. There are not a lot of documented women in Sikh history. [At the same time], her son corresponded with Queen Victoria, which makes the story more relevant to the casual viewer." According to Singh, Jindan is a symbol of indignation and injustice, but also of the failure of the Sikhs to retain their kingdom. "She has an iconic status," he says. "She was the last one to stand up to the British."


When I saw the film, I was struck by how little I knew about my heritage. Growing up in a Punjabi Sikh household in east London, I looked up to my hard-working and honest parents, but when it came to who I wanted to be, I built a composite from American girl detective Nancy Drew, TV FBI agent Dana Scully and Bruce Springsteen. All of these individuals pushed against barriers into a world of possibility, something I rarely found in my culture. But where were women like Jindan Kaur? Jindan was complex, cocky, clever, imperfect and tough, and she connected me to my ancestral past, something Nancy, Dana and Bruce could not. After watching Rebel Queen, I felt like a link to my past that had lain neglected had been rekindled.


Numerous south Asian female artists have documented the struggles of British Asian identity, including Gurinder Chadha, Meera Syal and Shazia Mirza. Struggles of displacement need to be documented, but there are not enough stories like Maharani Jindan's, about what had happened before my family had to grapple with being Asian in a white society. Was I supposed to start from my parents' immigration to England in the 1970s? Couldn't the example of Maharani Jindan give me the inspiration to make sense of my present day-to-day life?


In England, there is a prevalence of perceiving south Asian women in the context of "honour" killings, forced marriages, domestic violence and foeticide – all serious issues that need to continue to be fought against. We also have the Asian Women of Achievement awards, but those women do not always permeate the media, art or history books that young girls may be absorbing. In terms of what that leaves young British Punjabi Sikh or south Asian girls as role models, it is not exactly aspirational.


Artists Rabindra and Amrit Singh say: "We definitely need to . . . counter the negative stereotyping that so many of us grew up with . . . [This will come] from a better knowledge and pride in who we are, which involves looking to the exemplary, too often hidden figures in our history."


There are other inspirational heroines about whom there is little research. Mai Bhago was a devout warrior saint in the army of Sikhism's 10th prophet, Guru Gobind Singh Ji, in the 1700s, who led men into battle. There is also Bibi Dalair Kaur who rallied 100 women Sikh soldiers to fight the Mughals in the 17th century.


Inspiring figures are not limited to Sikhism or Punjabis. In the early days of Islam, Ayesha (Aishah), the prophet Muhammed's wife, rode at the head of an army against Khalif Ali, whom she felt was usurping her late husband's authority. Later, Muslim writers such as Rokeya Hossain also emerged. She wrote a science-fiction story called Sultana's Dream in 1905, about a female utopia in Bangladesh where women dominate the public sphere.


Perhaps the most well-known female warrior in India is Lakshmibai of Jhansi, a hindu queen who also fought British rule. She was a firebrand, recognised in Indian history books, but became better known through the media. One can only hope the same will be said for Jindan Kaur.


http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/dec/31/rebel-queen-thorn-crown

There are so many forgotten hero(ines) of India who should have been in the history books that we read as kids!

Too many passions, too little time

I am at the edge of the 20s, negatively said nearly 30 and I still have a child's dream of pursuing these multiple careers that still appeal to me more than my own. When I was 5 or 6 years old I wanted to be a teacher in the morning and a cop by the night. Nearly 20 years later the dream professions are no more of being a teacher or cop, the reason for which will need a separate blog but the fancy of pursuing multiple interests, hasn't died yet.

When I was 17, I wanted to be a fashion designer. At 18 I dropped a year of college to become a doctor, under peer pressure (that's the last time I came under peer pressure, thanks to WB Board which didn't pass me in the exam, I would have died studying for as long as docs do). As I took up Statistics as my major in college, I realized its not my cup of tea and made a smart decision to study management. 5 years I worked as a marketeer and kept yearning to start my own business to increase the rate at which I was learning the trade and also I must admit, it seemed more challenging. To ease out the days of ass-kicking challenging days of self employment, I leaned back on my child-hood hobby of painting. An overwhelming response to my creations, shot up my hidden desire to be a professional artist and earn my living, selling these painted canvas(es). Now that I am in a revelatory mode, I will confess that this blog itself is an indication of my deep-seated desire to be an author someday. A few days ago I was frantically searching the internet to find a way to become a professional reviewer of books.

As I write all these desires down, I keep contemplating whether you would find this entire piece extremely funny or just the opposite, obnoxious. I mean, how funny is she that she wants to be all of this in one life time, time for her to grow up? Or, how irritating is she that she has still not been able to figure out the thing to do in her life? Some are also probably thinking, not everything you love has to turn into a profession. Here's the correction to the idea that might emerge out of the previous para, I don't want any of these above listed things as my profession, because any passion followed as profession makes it boring as hell. I just want to earn a little by painting, writing and oooh did I mention it yet, even travelling ;).

Whatever your thoughts, the story of my life has always been about having too many passions and a dream to live all of these lives in one life. After all who can vouch for a re-birth and even if there are multiple lives to live who knows if I am reborn as an ant and my only passion turns out to be worrying about collecting food, while maintaining the straight queue that my leader ant has asked us to maintain.

India Grows at Night: Book Review

India Grows At Night: A Liberal Case for A Strong State by Gurcharan Das
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

After reading Gurucharan Das' last release 'The Difficulty of being Good', I picked up 'India grows at Night' with much expectations. Das seems to be stuck with his last book too, having made dharma the central theme of this book as well.

On the brighter side it is a book that can be read to get oneself updated about the current political and economic situation of India. Das has filled his book with data about India's political environment right from Independence with references to even Mahabharata. So, if you think you have pieces of the Indian political puzzle missing in your memory this will be a quick brush.

Such an extensive data has perhaps made this not such an interesting read because the author has gone all over the place and it is difficult to stitch the whole story together. Most of the solutions and analysis given in the book are rather obvious ones that even we naive readers have registered at different times in our minds.

It is nice to have books like these released in India given the current state of the nation, to serve as a reminder, that this is not a sleeping country. But, all in all I was expecting a better analysis and a more compact read from Gurcharan Das.

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Wise Enough to be Foolish: Book Review

Wise Enough to be Foolish by Gauri Jayaram
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

A book that keeps you hooked with a story which in parts will make a lot of us identify with it, right till the end. Even though I am not into light reading and prefer non-fiction or fiction very close to reality this is one of those books that I truly enjoyed or rather couldn't put down till I reached the end. As you read Gauri's life story you keep wondering where does she get all the strength to make all the choices that she makes and still keep her head high. Ofcourse that makes me question if she has revealed all her dark times in life to the fullest extent. I assume no and imagine that being as open as she has been is probably a lot for being in India. The biggest proof of how she has lead her life is in being able to write this book without hiding that its her true story. Every man and woman in India probably needs to take a small little inspiration from her life and seed it in theirs. Leading life by the heart and not the brain which forces us to conform and compare, listening to your heart doesn't come easy and Gauri has definitely achieved, what is challenging.

A delight to read and a recommended read for any one who likes to follow their heart and everyone who want to but cannot gather enough courage to defy the society and follow their instincts.

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"Have it all", myth for women

Men can have a high flying career, have a doting wife, happy children and some can even have time for hobby at their 30's but there are almost no examples of such women not only in India but also abroad. Two months back I read through Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In and left a brief review, unlike my long thoughtful ones for other non-fiction works. It would make you think that I had not really delved into the topic of women at work and their need to focus on their careers against all odds. The reality is, that I was so much deep in thought and there were so many conflicting thoughts in my mind that I just couldn't pen them down.

Two months later I chanced upon Penelope Trunk's blog, which is one of the top blogs for career advice. She is also a serial entrepreneur who is married and has two kids. She is anti Sheryl Sandberg's choices, who is an inspiration of millions of ambitious women in the corporate end, across the world. 

Both these women have conflicting thoughts of how women should lead their lives. Penelope Trunk has even put forward her conflicting thoughts in a rather accusatory or negative way in some of her blogs for women like Sandberg or Marissa Mayer, CEO of Yahoo.

So what are these two sides of the coin that I have been referring to? Sheryl Sandberg and Marissa Mayer are two women who lead two of the largest companies in the world and definitely that cannot be done by having both great personal and corporate life. Sandberg paints out brilliantly in Lean In how to surge ahead in the corporate world by asking women to focus or rather lean in more towards their dreams of being in the top management of companies. She is right that women should fight for their dreams and the men behind them should support them. A classic example of Sandberg is about women who do not want to seat themselves in the center table or the executive table and how these opportunities should not be missed. I agree with her thought that many women step back in assuming responsibilities or going up the ladder even before starting a marriage or having a baby because they know they have to slow down eventually. I think it applies specially for women in our country where women are under constant social pressure to focus on family. For this reason I wish every ambitious woman in India should read Lean In in their mid 20s. However, be aware Lean In doesn't talk about or focus on the effects of such a career on one's family. An ideal supportive husband who puts his career out of focus and a self-raising child are certainly doubtful.  That is the one side of the coin.

The other side is Penelope Trunk's take which some of her own readers term as sexist, where she has openly quoted that according to studies made in US most women want to have a part time job once they have kids and hence media shouldn't celebrate Sandberg and Mayer as the icon for modern women. Trunk takes bringing up children pretty seriously, proof of it is in her decision to homeschool both her kids. Hence her side of the coin also seems very justified.

So if you are trying to flip the coin to decide which side is correct and who should be your icon to lead your life, remember there is always a 50:50 chance of getting either side and hence a 50:50 in getting all that you want. 

For career-focused women in India there are these choices:

1) Have joint family and leave your kids in the care of your in-laws or if you are lucky to be in the same city as your parents shift in the same neighbourhood and leave your kids with them. Some even opt for shifting their parents/in-laws to their city for a few years

2) Get a bai/aya to stay whole day or half-day in your house and let them take care of your kids

3) If you are lucky again, leave your kids with the creche attached to your office or else opt for the non-professional, over-crowded creche cum nursery in your neighbourhood.

While the first option is safe and nearly as good as you staying back to bring up your children, it is rare. I personally don't find it a viable and long term choice to make our parents relocate and introduce a turmoil in their life of constantly hovering between their place and ours. But then again many are not left with a choice and find it more comforting for their parents to make a adjustment, mostly for financial stability. The other two options are less fulfilling as no aya/bai or creche can give children the kind of environment for healthy growth of mind, that we can.

Between all this push and pull, I realize most women sometimes take a decision to accept that having it all is a myth and compromise either career or family, down the line. It may make you angry that such choices are not forced upon men but that's how it is. Many men in US are opting to take care of their children and stay back at home to assume the role of the care-giver but that doesn't solve the issue for us all but only selected women. Even for these men their life remain un-fulfilled once their children grow up and they don't need to spend as much time around them. 

So here's my conclusion, for women of my age who constantly seek out an icon to follow and the right path to walk in. There is none. A very minor chunk of women can have it all because we have been wired like that. I hate to say and even accept this but women have to delve into their minds and sort out how they want to etch out their lives. What will give you highest satisfaction or happiness. There is no point flowing with the wind of change and saying you  want to have a high-flying career when you keep on eyeing your ex-colleagues who seem so satisfied with their cute little kids. Vice-versa if having kids is not such an alluring thought for you and your spouse, then may be sketch out ways to concentrate more on your career than having that perfect life, like our last generation etches it out. 

One thing is for sure we women have to be stronger, more intuitive and thoughtful while leading our life whether we dedicate our lives to our families or our career.

Here's an article I found after I published my blog; story from the horse's mouth: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-cant-have-it-all/309020/

Gypsy Bug

There has to be a bug called gypsy bug because I am pretty sure it has bit me. I realized it 10 years later when I finally had to settle down in one place, city and area. My dislike for the city that has now caged me within its premises, is an evidence of it. Short trips lasting for 7, 10, 15 days to new places - cities, states, countries do not quench the thirst of this bug. It can only be satisfied with stays that last longer than few months stretching to even years. It didn't happen by design but by chance.

Step by step I moved away from the permanency of my home, away from the warmth and security of my parents, sibling and ventured into the harsh cold and testing world. I am not being judgmental in calling the world, harsh cold and testing; look back to when you were still in your teens and if you haven't stayed alone in a fast moving city then just try and imagine how it could be. Can you imagine the change of environment, culture and living conditions when you move from a 2nd tier city which can pass off as a town, in East India to directly the capital of the country?

But this piece is not to discuss the cultural shock or the adjustments that I went through due to the drastic change of living conditions. This piece is about my realization about the bug.

As I think about it now, I realize that this bug helped me gain the courage to move alone to different parts of the country and even abroad. With no guardian in Delhi, my parents had great difficulty letting me go and study, 1000s of km away from them. It also probably strengthened them, which is why they were not as worried when I moved for a year to the far far West.

With 4 years of living in the most unsafe city of India and then having vanished from sight for a year there were no doubts about my shift to West of India, for work. While my parents grew used to the away from home daughter, I settled down with a picture of my life as a wanderer. Most people grow weary of the thought of moving and not being able to settle in one place, I was fond of the very non-permanency and exposure to varied cultures and its people.

Today as I am finally settled in South-India, post blissful marriage I think atleast I have covered a full circle of the country; how many Indian women still, get the liberty of doing so alone and so young. I know many dream to settle in this hill-station like city that I now call home but my heart keeps thinking how will I ever spend more than 3-4 years in the same place? I have never done that in my entire young adult life! How does it feel knowing a city through and through, because I have never stayed long enough in one city to know it end to end.

My gypsy bug craves to settle in a new city, to observe a new culture, to hear a new language, to absorb a bit more of our diverse country. While others wish to settle, my gypsy bug keeps threatening me that this is the end of my learning about the people settled in different parts of India.

But I know how to keep my gypsy bug in control, it now has learnt to look at the world through those books lined up in the book shelf, reading the testimony of many gypsy minds like mine.

Keep it Simple, Quit the Rat Race

There I said it. I wish people around me and the world over would just quit the rat race and make living life simple. Mind you, I am not referring to the rat race in the professional space or getting those high scores at the university exam. I am asking all of those caught in complexity of life to quit the rat race which they have built in their life at home, office, colony, kids' schools, wherever they set foot in.

When I was in school, I read, heard and realized that we are in the rat race to score high grades in order to get into prestigious colleges and universities. At university, the rat race turned into a fight for getting the right job. So when I had that first job, I thought I was finally out of the rat race and I didn't give a damn whether I came out first. I was glad there were no more rat race to compete in. Life was sticking out its tongue to me, in a short while I realized the rat race had just begun. What rat race am I referring to?

Here's the picture:
At work: Get the next better job -> Get atleast a X% hike into your next job
At Home: Grab a suitable groom for yourself; "suitable" according to society with X as salary; XY looks; etc, etc.

So I get the next better job; keep in mind the salary and get married and think, "There, now I am finally out."

Ho Ho Ho... here's what the future held

At Work: Secure the promotion -> Batch mates have X salary; aim for z% increment by achieving y% target
At Home: Sonia went for a trip to Maldives; aim for Turkey in next 3 months -> Neela, Sheela, Naveela got babies; aim for one of your own now.

You must have got it by now; these lists never end. The ones caught in these lists are the ones living the complex life and the ones lead by heart are living the simple ones. (I am not against lists for life but carve your own list; stop peeping into your neighbor's.)

But, following your heart is not as simple as it sounds. Rat race is just a nice name given to our negative feelings; jealousy, egoism, competitiveness and I am not saying we should be saints but we should atleast fight our negative thoughts and feelings. All of this is possible if your aim is not to beat every one or any one at any of those silly race and you etch out your own dreams.

In all honesty, I have been part of the rat race and still get my heels caught in the web sometimes. But I am confident I am a happy person when I walk at my pace and don't compare my salary, work description, husband's/kids' achievements, hobbies, clothes with anyone. I am not suggesting that I have got it right in life, I am sharing my funda for people who want to keep it simple!