I am a time-traveller!

A sudden revisit to my blog made me realize how little time I had given myself in the last  year to curdle any of those flying thoughts into a post.

I blog to keep documenting my thoughts over time. Its a time machine for me to go back to my thinking process and my priorities down the years. Every post that I have published has somehow captured my mental state around that period and by not blogging for a year I have somehow created a loss in my time-line. I remember in great detail what happened and what was the state of my mind last year now but I am sure I wouldn't in 10 years time. Atleast I would not be able to remember the lesser and not so significant events of 2014, which may have subtly affected my character.

Last year was a year of dedication to my craze for entrepreneurship. Even though I couldn't make my venture fly, I worked within the ecosystem of another thriving entrepreneurial venture which taught me a lot. I now know that the venture I head into at any point in the future cannot be lead with the wish to support my luxuries, it has to be something to just quench my thirst to create. It has to be something which will lead to profit but not beyond a small scale industry.

When a company grows from small to medium to large at each phase it loses the initial intention of existence, unless ofcourse its Google. :) As you grow large so does the no. of employees and then enablers become road blocks. The complexity of growing the business itself becomes such a big hurdle that a single man army cannot possibly concentrate on the heart of the business, the product.

I have realized I am a creator more than a marketeer or business woman and hence I have complicated my career, details of which is worth another post.

Having said all of that I should share the two things I created last year :D

I only gathered the time to finish one single oil painting

Also I managed to attend a workshop in the city for wood block printing and designed a few blocks for myself and here's a print:

I hope this year I will curdle chew and publish more posts & share with you many printed creations rather than painted.

I hope I don't create any more loops and gaps in my time travel.

Too many passions, too little time

I am at the edge of the 20s, negatively said nearly 30 and I still have a child's dream of pursuing these multiple careers that still appeal to me more than my own. When I was 5 or 6 years old I wanted to be a teacher in the morning and a cop by the night. Nearly 20 years later the dream professions are no more of being a teacher or cop, the reason for which will need a separate blog but the fancy of pursuing multiple interests, hasn't died yet.

When I was 17, I wanted to be a fashion designer. At 18 I dropped a year of college to become a doctor, under peer pressure (that's the last time I came under peer pressure, thanks to WB Board which didn't pass me in the exam, I would have died studying for as long as docs do). As I took up Statistics as my major in college, I realized its not my cup of tea and made a smart decision to study management. 5 years I worked as a marketeer and kept yearning to start my own business to increase the rate at which I was learning the trade and also I must admit, it seemed more challenging. To ease out the days of ass-kicking challenging days of self employment, I leaned back on my child-hood hobby of painting. An overwhelming response to my creations, shot up my hidden desire to be a professional artist and earn my living, selling these painted canvas(es). Now that I am in a revelatory mode, I will confess that this blog itself is an indication of my deep-seated desire to be an author someday. A few days ago I was frantically searching the internet to find a way to become a professional reviewer of books.

As I write all these desires down, I keep contemplating whether you would find this entire piece extremely funny or just the opposite, obnoxious. I mean, how funny is she that she wants to be all of this in one life time, time for her to grow up? Or, how irritating is she that she has still not been able to figure out the thing to do in her life? Some are also probably thinking, not everything you love has to turn into a profession. Here's the correction to the idea that might emerge out of the previous para, I don't want any of these above listed things as my profession, because any passion followed as profession makes it boring as hell. I just want to earn a little by painting, writing and oooh did I mention it yet, even travelling ;).

Whatever your thoughts, the story of my life has always been about having too many passions and a dream to live all of these lives in one life. After all who can vouch for a re-birth and even if there are multiple lives to live who knows if I am reborn as an ant and my only passion turns out to be worrying about collecting food, while maintaining the straight queue that my leader ant has asked us to maintain.

Gypsy Bug

There has to be a bug called gypsy bug because I am pretty sure it has bit me. I realized it 10 years later when I finally had to settle down in one place, city and area. My dislike for the city that has now caged me within its premises, is an evidence of it. Short trips lasting for 7, 10, 15 days to new places - cities, states, countries do not quench the thirst of this bug. It can only be satisfied with stays that last longer than few months stretching to even years. It didn't happen by design but by chance.

Step by step I moved away from the permanency of my home, away from the warmth and security of my parents, sibling and ventured into the harsh cold and testing world. I am not being judgmental in calling the world, harsh cold and testing; look back to when you were still in your teens and if you haven't stayed alone in a fast moving city then just try and imagine how it could be. Can you imagine the change of environment, culture and living conditions when you move from a 2nd tier city which can pass off as a town, in East India to directly the capital of the country?

But this piece is not to discuss the cultural shock or the adjustments that I went through due to the drastic change of living conditions. This piece is about my realization about the bug.

As I think about it now, I realize that this bug helped me gain the courage to move alone to different parts of the country and even abroad. With no guardian in Delhi, my parents had great difficulty letting me go and study, 1000s of km away from them. It also probably strengthened them, which is why they were not as worried when I moved for a year to the far far West.

With 4 years of living in the most unsafe city of India and then having vanished from sight for a year there were no doubts about my shift to West of India, for work. While my parents grew used to the away from home daughter, I settled down with a picture of my life as a wanderer. Most people grow weary of the thought of moving and not being able to settle in one place, I was fond of the very non-permanency and exposure to varied cultures and its people.

Today as I am finally settled in South-India, post blissful marriage I think atleast I have covered a full circle of the country; how many Indian women still, get the liberty of doing so alone and so young. I know many dream to settle in this hill-station like city that I now call home but my heart keeps thinking how will I ever spend more than 3-4 years in the same place? I have never done that in my entire young adult life! How does it feel knowing a city through and through, because I have never stayed long enough in one city to know it end to end.

My gypsy bug craves to settle in a new city, to observe a new culture, to hear a new language, to absorb a bit more of our diverse country. While others wish to settle, my gypsy bug keeps threatening me that this is the end of my learning about the people settled in different parts of India.

But I know how to keep my gypsy bug in control, it now has learnt to look at the world through those books lined up in the book shelf, reading the testimony of many gypsy minds like mine.

Keep it Simple, Quit the Rat Race

There I said it. I wish people around me and the world over would just quit the rat race and make living life simple. Mind you, I am not referring to the rat race in the professional space or getting those high scores at the university exam. I am asking all of those caught in complexity of life to quit the rat race which they have built in their life at home, office, colony, kids' schools, wherever they set foot in.

When I was in school, I read, heard and realized that we are in the rat race to score high grades in order to get into prestigious colleges and universities. At university, the rat race turned into a fight for getting the right job. So when I had that first job, I thought I was finally out of the rat race and I didn't give a damn whether I came out first. I was glad there were no more rat race to compete in. Life was sticking out its tongue to me, in a short while I realized the rat race had just begun. What rat race am I referring to?

Here's the picture:
At work: Get the next better job -> Get atleast a X% hike into your next job
At Home: Grab a suitable groom for yourself; "suitable" according to society with X as salary; XY looks; etc, etc.

So I get the next better job; keep in mind the salary and get married and think, "There, now I am finally out."

Ho Ho Ho... here's what the future held

At Work: Secure the promotion -> Batch mates have X salary; aim for z% increment by achieving y% target
At Home: Sonia went for a trip to Maldives; aim for Turkey in next 3 months -> Neela, Sheela, Naveela got babies; aim for one of your own now.

You must have got it by now; these lists never end. The ones caught in these lists are the ones living the complex life and the ones lead by heart are living the simple ones. (I am not against lists for life but carve your own list; stop peeping into your neighbor's.)

But, following your heart is not as simple as it sounds. Rat race is just a nice name given to our negative feelings; jealousy, egoism, competitiveness and I am not saying we should be saints but we should atleast fight our negative thoughts and feelings. All of this is possible if your aim is not to beat every one or any one at any of those silly race and you etch out your own dreams.

In all honesty, I have been part of the rat race and still get my heels caught in the web sometimes. But I am confident I am a happy person when I walk at my pace and don't compare my salary, work description, husband's/kids' achievements, hobbies, clothes with anyone. I am not suggesting that I have got it right in life, I am sharing my funda for people who want to keep it simple!

Sini's Life - 2

She got immersed in the movie while the neighbour's dog took advantage of her open door .... Oops

Sini's Life

The morning reads and coffee kept Sini going

For whom do you write?

I am not a regular writer but I am a regular reader. Yet I can't easily think of the next best thing to write. I am  mostly caught in the dilemma which is the name of this post, "For whom do you write?". I am frequently guided by my brain and that has never helped anyone in liberal arts or the fine.

My brain says this blog post needs to be positioned for a specific genre or niche set of readers. Else, there is no way to gain readers. This is so well-thought through by my experienced marketing brain. Yet my noble heart says that this blog was meant to be my path to express and give meaning to my love for books and stories. Both my heart and brain fight for a while and the brain comes out triumphant. What a pity!

I wish I could make the brain understand that it needs to support my heart as no great read has ever come out of a brain. It is always the pourings of a heart that strikes another and hence gains love from readers.

Dear Brain,

Why don't you rest once in a while. Why don't you think a little less, judge lesser and let me rule, once in a while. Science praises you not the arts. Let me lead sometimes! I have all the right to live and win.

Yours Beloved
Heart

So, then I can only wish that once in a while from now on I will pour from my heart because I write for the reader as well as my heart. Who do you write for?