Too many passions, too little time

I am at the edge of the 20s, negatively said nearly 30 and I still have a child's dream of pursuing these multiple careers that still appeal to me more than my own. When I was 5 or 6 years old I wanted to be a teacher in the morning and a cop by the night. Nearly 20 years later the dream professions are no more of being a teacher or cop, the reason for which will need a separate blog but the fancy of pursuing multiple interests, hasn't died yet.

When I was 17, I wanted to be a fashion designer. At 18 I dropped a year of college to become a doctor, under peer pressure (that's the last time I came under peer pressure, thanks to WB Board which didn't pass me in the exam, I would have died studying for as long as docs do). As I took up Statistics as my major in college, I realized its not my cup of tea and made a smart decision to study management. 5 years I worked as a marketeer and kept yearning to start my own business to increase the rate at which I was learning the trade and also I must admit, it seemed more challenging. To ease out the days of ass-kicking challenging days of self employment, I leaned back on my child-hood hobby of painting. An overwhelming response to my creations, shot up my hidden desire to be a professional artist and earn my living, selling these painted canvas(es). Now that I am in a revelatory mode, I will confess that this blog itself is an indication of my deep-seated desire to be an author someday. A few days ago I was frantically searching the internet to find a way to become a professional reviewer of books.

As I write all these desires down, I keep contemplating whether you would find this entire piece extremely funny or just the opposite, obnoxious. I mean, how funny is she that she wants to be all of this in one life time, time for her to grow up? Or, how irritating is she that she has still not been able to figure out the thing to do in her life? Some are also probably thinking, not everything you love has to turn into a profession. Here's the correction to the idea that might emerge out of the previous para, I don't want any of these above listed things as my profession, because any passion followed as profession makes it boring as hell. I just want to earn a little by painting, writing and oooh did I mention it yet, even travelling ;).

Whatever your thoughts, the story of my life has always been about having too many passions and a dream to live all of these lives in one life. After all who can vouch for a re-birth and even if there are multiple lives to live who knows if I am reborn as an ant and my only passion turns out to be worrying about collecting food, while maintaining the straight queue that my leader ant has asked us to maintain.

India Grows at Night: Book Review

India Grows At Night: A Liberal Case for A Strong State by Gurcharan Das
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

After reading Gurucharan Das' last release 'The Difficulty of being Good', I picked up 'India grows at Night' with much expectations. Das seems to be stuck with his last book too, having made dharma the central theme of this book as well.

On the brighter side it is a book that can be read to get oneself updated about the current political and economic situation of India. Das has filled his book with data about India's political environment right from Independence with references to even Mahabharata. So, if you think you have pieces of the Indian political puzzle missing in your memory this will be a quick brush.

Such an extensive data has perhaps made this not such an interesting read because the author has gone all over the place and it is difficult to stitch the whole story together. Most of the solutions and analysis given in the book are rather obvious ones that even we naive readers have registered at different times in our minds.

It is nice to have books like these released in India given the current state of the nation, to serve as a reminder, that this is not a sleeping country. But, all in all I was expecting a better analysis and a more compact read from Gurcharan Das.

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Wise Enough to be Foolish: Book Review

Wise Enough to be Foolish by Gauri Jayaram
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

A book that keeps you hooked with a story which in parts will make a lot of us identify with it, right till the end. Even though I am not into light reading and prefer non-fiction or fiction very close to reality this is one of those books that I truly enjoyed or rather couldn't put down till I reached the end. As you read Gauri's life story you keep wondering where does she get all the strength to make all the choices that she makes and still keep her head high. Ofcourse that makes me question if she has revealed all her dark times in life to the fullest extent. I assume no and imagine that being as open as she has been is probably a lot for being in India. The biggest proof of how she has lead her life is in being able to write this book without hiding that its her true story. Every man and woman in India probably needs to take a small little inspiration from her life and seed it in theirs. Leading life by the heart and not the brain which forces us to conform and compare, listening to your heart doesn't come easy and Gauri has definitely achieved, what is challenging.

A delight to read and a recommended read for any one who likes to follow their heart and everyone who want to but cannot gather enough courage to defy the society and follow their instincts.

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"Have it all", myth for women

Men can have a high flying career, have a doting wife, happy children and some can even have time for hobby at their 30's but there are almost no examples of such women not only in India but also abroad. Two months back I read through Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In and left a brief review, unlike my long thoughtful ones for other non-fiction works. It would make you think that I had not really delved into the topic of women at work and their need to focus on their careers against all odds. The reality is, that I was so much deep in thought and there were so many conflicting thoughts in my mind that I just couldn't pen them down.

Two months later I chanced upon Penelope Trunk's blog, which is one of the top blogs for career advice. She is also a serial entrepreneur who is married and has two kids. She is anti Sheryl Sandberg's choices, who is an inspiration of millions of ambitious women in the corporate end, across the world. 

Both these women have conflicting thoughts of how women should lead their lives. Penelope Trunk has even put forward her conflicting thoughts in a rather accusatory or negative way in some of her blogs for women like Sandberg or Marissa Mayer, CEO of Yahoo.

So what are these two sides of the coin that I have been referring to? Sheryl Sandberg and Marissa Mayer are two women who lead two of the largest companies in the world and definitely that cannot be done by having both great personal and corporate life. Sandberg paints out brilliantly in Lean In how to surge ahead in the corporate world by asking women to focus or rather lean in more towards their dreams of being in the top management of companies. She is right that women should fight for their dreams and the men behind them should support them. A classic example of Sandberg is about women who do not want to seat themselves in the center table or the executive table and how these opportunities should not be missed. I agree with her thought that many women step back in assuming responsibilities or going up the ladder even before starting a marriage or having a baby because they know they have to slow down eventually. I think it applies specially for women in our country where women are under constant social pressure to focus on family. For this reason I wish every ambitious woman in India should read Lean In in their mid 20s. However, be aware Lean In doesn't talk about or focus on the effects of such a career on one's family. An ideal supportive husband who puts his career out of focus and a self-raising child are certainly doubtful.  That is the one side of the coin.

The other side is Penelope Trunk's take which some of her own readers term as sexist, where she has openly quoted that according to studies made in US most women want to have a part time job once they have kids and hence media shouldn't celebrate Sandberg and Mayer as the icon for modern women. Trunk takes bringing up children pretty seriously, proof of it is in her decision to homeschool both her kids. Hence her side of the coin also seems very justified.

So if you are trying to flip the coin to decide which side is correct and who should be your icon to lead your life, remember there is always a 50:50 chance of getting either side and hence a 50:50 in getting all that you want. 

For career-focused women in India there are these choices:

1) Have joint family and leave your kids in the care of your in-laws or if you are lucky to be in the same city as your parents shift in the same neighbourhood and leave your kids with them. Some even opt for shifting their parents/in-laws to their city for a few years

2) Get a bai/aya to stay whole day or half-day in your house and let them take care of your kids

3) If you are lucky again, leave your kids with the creche attached to your office or else opt for the non-professional, over-crowded creche cum nursery in your neighbourhood.

While the first option is safe and nearly as good as you staying back to bring up your children, it is rare. I personally don't find it a viable and long term choice to make our parents relocate and introduce a turmoil in their life of constantly hovering between their place and ours. But then again many are not left with a choice and find it more comforting for their parents to make a adjustment, mostly for financial stability. The other two options are less fulfilling as no aya/bai or creche can give children the kind of environment for healthy growth of mind, that we can.

Between all this push and pull, I realize most women sometimes take a decision to accept that having it all is a myth and compromise either career or family, down the line. It may make you angry that such choices are not forced upon men but that's how it is. Many men in US are opting to take care of their children and stay back at home to assume the role of the care-giver but that doesn't solve the issue for us all but only selected women. Even for these men their life remain un-fulfilled once their children grow up and they don't need to spend as much time around them. 

So here's my conclusion, for women of my age who constantly seek out an icon to follow and the right path to walk in. There is none. A very minor chunk of women can have it all because we have been wired like that. I hate to say and even accept this but women have to delve into their minds and sort out how they want to etch out their lives. What will give you highest satisfaction or happiness. There is no point flowing with the wind of change and saying you  want to have a high-flying career when you keep on eyeing your ex-colleagues who seem so satisfied with their cute little kids. Vice-versa if having kids is not such an alluring thought for you and your spouse, then may be sketch out ways to concentrate more on your career than having that perfect life, like our last generation etches it out. 

One thing is for sure we women have to be stronger, more intuitive and thoughtful while leading our life whether we dedicate our lives to our families or our career.

Here's an article I found after I published my blog; story from the horse's mouth: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-cant-have-it-all/309020/

Gypsy Bug

There has to be a bug called gypsy bug because I am pretty sure it has bit me. I realized it 10 years later when I finally had to settle down in one place, city and area. My dislike for the city that has now caged me within its premises, is an evidence of it. Short trips lasting for 7, 10, 15 days to new places - cities, states, countries do not quench the thirst of this bug. It can only be satisfied with stays that last longer than few months stretching to even years. It didn't happen by design but by chance.

Step by step I moved away from the permanency of my home, away from the warmth and security of my parents, sibling and ventured into the harsh cold and testing world. I am not being judgmental in calling the world, harsh cold and testing; look back to when you were still in your teens and if you haven't stayed alone in a fast moving city then just try and imagine how it could be. Can you imagine the change of environment, culture and living conditions when you move from a 2nd tier city which can pass off as a town, in East India to directly the capital of the country?

But this piece is not to discuss the cultural shock or the adjustments that I went through due to the drastic change of living conditions. This piece is about my realization about the bug.

As I think about it now, I realize that this bug helped me gain the courage to move alone to different parts of the country and even abroad. With no guardian in Delhi, my parents had great difficulty letting me go and study, 1000s of km away from them. It also probably strengthened them, which is why they were not as worried when I moved for a year to the far far West.

With 4 years of living in the most unsafe city of India and then having vanished from sight for a year there were no doubts about my shift to West of India, for work. While my parents grew used to the away from home daughter, I settled down with a picture of my life as a wanderer. Most people grow weary of the thought of moving and not being able to settle in one place, I was fond of the very non-permanency and exposure to varied cultures and its people.

Today as I am finally settled in South-India, post blissful marriage I think atleast I have covered a full circle of the country; how many Indian women still, get the liberty of doing so alone and so young. I know many dream to settle in this hill-station like city that I now call home but my heart keeps thinking how will I ever spend more than 3-4 years in the same place? I have never done that in my entire young adult life! How does it feel knowing a city through and through, because I have never stayed long enough in one city to know it end to end.

My gypsy bug craves to settle in a new city, to observe a new culture, to hear a new language, to absorb a bit more of our diverse country. While others wish to settle, my gypsy bug keeps threatening me that this is the end of my learning about the people settled in different parts of India.

But I know how to keep my gypsy bug in control, it now has learnt to look at the world through those books lined up in the book shelf, reading the testimony of many gypsy minds like mine.

Keep it Simple, Quit the Rat Race

There I said it. I wish people around me and the world over would just quit the rat race and make living life simple. Mind you, I am not referring to the rat race in the professional space or getting those high scores at the university exam. I am asking all of those caught in complexity of life to quit the rat race which they have built in their life at home, office, colony, kids' schools, wherever they set foot in.

When I was in school, I read, heard and realized that we are in the rat race to score high grades in order to get into prestigious colleges and universities. At university, the rat race turned into a fight for getting the right job. So when I had that first job, I thought I was finally out of the rat race and I didn't give a damn whether I came out first. I was glad there were no more rat race to compete in. Life was sticking out its tongue to me, in a short while I realized the rat race had just begun. What rat race am I referring to?

Here's the picture:
At work: Get the next better job -> Get atleast a X% hike into your next job
At Home: Grab a suitable groom for yourself; "suitable" according to society with X as salary; XY looks; etc, etc.

So I get the next better job; keep in mind the salary and get married and think, "There, now I am finally out."

Ho Ho Ho... here's what the future held

At Work: Secure the promotion -> Batch mates have X salary; aim for z% increment by achieving y% target
At Home: Sonia went for a trip to Maldives; aim for Turkey in next 3 months -> Neela, Sheela, Naveela got babies; aim for one of your own now.

You must have got it by now; these lists never end. The ones caught in these lists are the ones living the complex life and the ones lead by heart are living the simple ones. (I am not against lists for life but carve your own list; stop peeping into your neighbor's.)

But, following your heart is not as simple as it sounds. Rat race is just a nice name given to our negative feelings; jealousy, egoism, competitiveness and I am not saying we should be saints but we should atleast fight our negative thoughts and feelings. All of this is possible if your aim is not to beat every one or any one at any of those silly race and you etch out your own dreams.

In all honesty, I have been part of the rat race and still get my heels caught in the web sometimes. But I am confident I am a happy person when I walk at my pace and don't compare my salary, work description, husband's/kids' achievements, hobbies, clothes with anyone. I am not suggesting that I have got it right in life, I am sharing my funda for people who want to keep it simple!

Holy Smoke II

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