Book Review: Nobody can love you more; Life in Delhi's red light district

Nobody Can Love You More: Life in Delhi's Red Light District by Mayank Soofi

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


A well-written book in almost a documentary format which the author says in the book was his purpose; has captured the life in GB Road well, right from the sex workers, to the kotha owners and even the shop owners in the area.

It is perhaps known and now I understood well after reading this and Memoirs of a Geisha that stories of these red light areas are pretty much the same at the basic level. Poverty forcing women to take up a profession that no woman can enjoy and some forced into the situation by thugs. These stories increase awareness about a section of the society that is looked down upon yet are victims and not criminals.

A character in Soofi's book, says that the so called gentlemanly society which looks down upon the red light district doesn't understand the contribution of these women in ensuring less rape incidents. I am glad that this point was brought up. The current situation of the country in terms of women's safety however, makes me doubt if any red light area can ever control any animalistic natured beast, which gets sadistic pleasure in victimizing unsuspecting innocent girls/women.

Mayank Soofi wrote this book after years of visiting GB Road and I am curious to know if he still continues it as a habit, for search of more stories?



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Some more art work this year

Smile - Smile can defy any age: Oil Painting

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The greatest Comedian and Satirist in Charcoal

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Ma Ashcen: Water Colours 

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Sini's Life: One part of the illustration that I make and host at

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Inside Out: Oil Painting

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Bookmarked: Rebel Queen, an unknown sikh queen's heroic tale

This is not a blog post. There are time when I come across articles over the net while I am looking for something else, don't have time to delve into the topic as much as I want to and then later when I want to go back to it; I cant find the relevant link.
Here's a story of a woman that I would want to get into by firstly getting my hands onto the documentary which I haven't been able to with my short search. Here's the article I came across.

Rebel Queen – a thorn in the crown

The film Rebel Queen tells the remarkable story of the last Sikh ruler of Lahore – a fearless Maharani who waged two wars against British rule in India. She is an inspiring figure for young Asian women today

Herpreet Kaur Grewal
The Guardian, Friday 31 December 2010


An Indian woman wearing a crinoline over her traditional clothes, and emeralds and pearls under her bonnet, walks in Kensington Gardens in 1861. She is the last Sikh queen of Lahore, the capital of the Punjab empire, and her name is Jindan Kaur. She died two years later, in 1863, and was buried in west London.


Maharani Jindan Kaur's life – much of which was spent raging against the British empire for cheating her out of the Punjab, then a vast country stretching from the Khyber Pass to Kashmir – is the subject of a film called Rebel Queen, which premiered at New York's International Sikh film festival and is set to be shown in the UK in February.


Her revolt began when her husband, the last Maharaja of the Punjab, died of a stroke in 1839 and the British tried to wrest the kingdom from the heir to the throne, her infant son, Duleep Singh. During her rule as regent, Jindan waged two disastrous wars against the British that led to the annexation of the Punjab. She may have made huge strategic errors due to her military inexperience and young age (she was in her early 20s), but Jindan was a fierce ruler. British historian Peter Bance describes her as a "very gutsy woman". "She stood her ground against the British . . . she actively took charge of the Punjab."


Professor Nikky-Guninder Kaur Singh of Colby College, Maine, US, says: "She was remarkable in how she discarded sati and purdah, dominant at the time, and led the courts, had meetings with chief ministers and the armies. All of them were taking her counsel."


Christy Campbell, author of The Maharajah's Box, a book about the Maharani's son, Duleep, says Jindan was "one of the most remarkable characters of 19th-century history, let alone Indian or Sikh history". This is despite the fact that much of what is known about her is "through the words of the British, who regarded her as a threat to their power in Indiaand therefore did their best to make her reputation as bad as possible".


The Maharani was described as "a serious obstacle" to British rule in India. They launched a smear campaign to discredit her, painting her as the "Messalina of the Punjab", a seductress too rebellious to be controlled. She refused to co-operate and the British saw that her influence on Duleep could lead to an uprising among the Punjabi people. They decided to separate mother and son.


Nine-year-old Duleep was taken to England where he converted to Christianity, living the life of a typical English gentleman, with Queen Victoria among his friends. The Maharani Jindan, however, was dragged from the court of Lahore by her hair and thrown into the fortress of Sheikhupura and then Chunar Fort in Uttar Pradesh.


After being imprisoned, she disguised herself as a servant and escaped the fort. She travelled through 800 miles of forest to reach sanctuary in Nepal, where she wrote a letter boasting to the British that she had escaped by "magic". She never regained the kingdom for her son. But they were reunited years later, which prompted the Maharajah to convert back to Sikhism, undoing the work of the British to "brainwash" him.


Her story encouraged American entrepreneur Bicky Singh to fund the production of Rebel Queen with around $25,000 (£15,500). Director Michael Singh, a California-based film-maker, says: "There's great drama and tragedy in her story. She was a heroic figure and was well-documented by the British. There are not a lot of documented women in Sikh history. [At the same time], her son corresponded with Queen Victoria, which makes the story more relevant to the casual viewer." According to Singh, Jindan is a symbol of indignation and injustice, but also of the failure of the Sikhs to retain their kingdom. "She has an iconic status," he says. "She was the last one to stand up to the British."


When I saw the film, I was struck by how little I knew about my heritage. Growing up in a Punjabi Sikh household in east London, I looked up to my hard-working and honest parents, but when it came to who I wanted to be, I built a composite from American girl detective Nancy Drew, TV FBI agent Dana Scully and Bruce Springsteen. All of these individuals pushed against barriers into a world of possibility, something I rarely found in my culture. But where were women like Jindan Kaur? Jindan was complex, cocky, clever, imperfect and tough, and she connected me to my ancestral past, something Nancy, Dana and Bruce could not. After watching Rebel Queen, I felt like a link to my past that had lain neglected had been rekindled.


Numerous south Asian female artists have documented the struggles of British Asian identity, including Gurinder Chadha, Meera Syal and Shazia Mirza. Struggles of displacement need to be documented, but there are not enough stories like Maharani Jindan's, about what had happened before my family had to grapple with being Asian in a white society. Was I supposed to start from my parents' immigration to England in the 1970s? Couldn't the example of Maharani Jindan give me the inspiration to make sense of my present day-to-day life?


In England, there is a prevalence of perceiving south Asian women in the context of "honour" killings, forced marriages, domestic violence and foeticide – all serious issues that need to continue to be fought against. We also have the Asian Women of Achievement awards, but those women do not always permeate the media, art or history books that young girls may be absorbing. In terms of what that leaves young British Punjabi Sikh or south Asian girls as role models, it is not exactly aspirational.


Artists Rabindra and Amrit Singh say: "We definitely need to . . . counter the negative stereotyping that so many of us grew up with . . . [This will come] from a better knowledge and pride in who we are, which involves looking to the exemplary, too often hidden figures in our history."


There are other inspirational heroines about whom there is little research. Mai Bhago was a devout warrior saint in the army of Sikhism's 10th prophet, Guru Gobind Singh Ji, in the 1700s, who led men into battle. There is also Bibi Dalair Kaur who rallied 100 women Sikh soldiers to fight the Mughals in the 17th century.


Inspiring figures are not limited to Sikhism or Punjabis. In the early days of Islam, Ayesha (Aishah), the prophet Muhammed's wife, rode at the head of an army against Khalif Ali, whom she felt was usurping her late husband's authority. Later, Muslim writers such as Rokeya Hossain also emerged. She wrote a science-fiction story called Sultana's Dream in 1905, about a female utopia in Bangladesh where women dominate the public sphere.


Perhaps the most well-known female warrior in India is Lakshmibai of Jhansi, a hindu queen who also fought British rule. She was a firebrand, recognised in Indian history books, but became better known through the media. One can only hope the same will be said for Jindan Kaur.


http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/dec/31/rebel-queen-thorn-crown

There are so many forgotten hero(ines) of India who should have been in the history books that we read as kids!

Too many passions, too little time

I am at the edge of the 20s, negatively said nearly 30 and I still have a child's dream of pursuing these multiple careers that still appeal to me more than my own. When I was 5 or 6 years old I wanted to be a teacher in the morning and a cop by the night. Nearly 20 years later the dream professions are no more of being a teacher or cop, the reason for which will need a separate blog but the fancy of pursuing multiple interests, hasn't died yet.

When I was 17, I wanted to be a fashion designer. At 18 I dropped a year of college to become a doctor, under peer pressure (that's the last time I came under peer pressure, thanks to WB Board which didn't pass me in the exam, I would have died studying for as long as docs do). As I took up Statistics as my major in college, I realized its not my cup of tea and made a smart decision to study management. 5 years I worked as a marketeer and kept yearning to start my own business to increase the rate at which I was learning the trade and also I must admit, it seemed more challenging. To ease out the days of ass-kicking challenging days of self employment, I leaned back on my child-hood hobby of painting. An overwhelming response to my creations, shot up my hidden desire to be a professional artist and earn my living, selling these painted canvas(es). Now that I am in a revelatory mode, I will confess that this blog itself is an indication of my deep-seated desire to be an author someday. A few days ago I was frantically searching the internet to find a way to become a professional reviewer of books.

As I write all these desires down, I keep contemplating whether you would find this entire piece extremely funny or just the opposite, obnoxious. I mean, how funny is she that she wants to be all of this in one life time, time for her to grow up? Or, how irritating is she that she has still not been able to figure out the thing to do in her life? Some are also probably thinking, not everything you love has to turn into a profession. Here's the correction to the idea that might emerge out of the previous para, I don't want any of these above listed things as my profession, because any passion followed as profession makes it boring as hell. I just want to earn a little by painting, writing and oooh did I mention it yet, even travelling ;).

Whatever your thoughts, the story of my life has always been about having too many passions and a dream to live all of these lives in one life. After all who can vouch for a re-birth and even if there are multiple lives to live who knows if I am reborn as an ant and my only passion turns out to be worrying about collecting food, while maintaining the straight queue that my leader ant has asked us to maintain.

India Grows at Night: Book Review

India Grows At Night: A Liberal Case for A Strong State by Gurcharan Das
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

After reading Gurucharan Das' last release 'The Difficulty of being Good', I picked up 'India grows at Night' with much expectations. Das seems to be stuck with his last book too, having made dharma the central theme of this book as well.

On the brighter side it is a book that can be read to get oneself updated about the current political and economic situation of India. Das has filled his book with data about India's political environment right from Independence with references to even Mahabharata. So, if you think you have pieces of the Indian political puzzle missing in your memory this will be a quick brush.

Such an extensive data has perhaps made this not such an interesting read because the author has gone all over the place and it is difficult to stitch the whole story together. Most of the solutions and analysis given in the book are rather obvious ones that even we naive readers have registered at different times in our minds.

It is nice to have books like these released in India given the current state of the nation, to serve as a reminder, that this is not a sleeping country. But, all in all I was expecting a better analysis and a more compact read from Gurcharan Das.

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Wise Enough to be Foolish: Book Review

Wise Enough to be Foolish by Gauri Jayaram
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

A book that keeps you hooked with a story which in parts will make a lot of us identify with it, right till the end. Even though I am not into light reading and prefer non-fiction or fiction very close to reality this is one of those books that I truly enjoyed or rather couldn't put down till I reached the end. As you read Gauri's life story you keep wondering where does she get all the strength to make all the choices that she makes and still keep her head high. Ofcourse that makes me question if she has revealed all her dark times in life to the fullest extent. I assume no and imagine that being as open as she has been is probably a lot for being in India. The biggest proof of how she has lead her life is in being able to write this book without hiding that its her true story. Every man and woman in India probably needs to take a small little inspiration from her life and seed it in theirs. Leading life by the heart and not the brain which forces us to conform and compare, listening to your heart doesn't come easy and Gauri has definitely achieved, what is challenging.

A delight to read and a recommended read for any one who likes to follow their heart and everyone who want to but cannot gather enough courage to defy the society and follow their instincts.

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"Have it all", myth for women

Men can have a high flying career, have a doting wife, happy children and some can even have time for hobby at their 30's but there are almost no examples of such women not only in India but also abroad. Two months back I read through Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In and left a brief review, unlike my long thoughtful ones for other non-fiction works. It would make you think that I had not really delved into the topic of women at work and their need to focus on their careers against all odds. The reality is, that I was so much deep in thought and there were so many conflicting thoughts in my mind that I just couldn't pen them down.

Two months later I chanced upon Penelope Trunk's blog, which is one of the top blogs for career advice. She is also a serial entrepreneur who is married and has two kids. She is anti Sheryl Sandberg's choices, who is an inspiration of millions of ambitious women in the corporate end, across the world. 

Both these women have conflicting thoughts of how women should lead their lives. Penelope Trunk has even put forward her conflicting thoughts in a rather accusatory or negative way in some of her blogs for women like Sandberg or Marissa Mayer, CEO of Yahoo.

So what are these two sides of the coin that I have been referring to? Sheryl Sandberg and Marissa Mayer are two women who lead two of the largest companies in the world and definitely that cannot be done by having both great personal and corporate life. Sandberg paints out brilliantly in Lean In how to surge ahead in the corporate world by asking women to focus or rather lean in more towards their dreams of being in the top management of companies. She is right that women should fight for their dreams and the men behind them should support them. A classic example of Sandberg is about women who do not want to seat themselves in the center table or the executive table and how these opportunities should not be missed. I agree with her thought that many women step back in assuming responsibilities or going up the ladder even before starting a marriage or having a baby because they know they have to slow down eventually. I think it applies specially for women in our country where women are under constant social pressure to focus on family. For this reason I wish every ambitious woman in India should read Lean In in their mid 20s. However, be aware Lean In doesn't talk about or focus on the effects of such a career on one's family. An ideal supportive husband who puts his career out of focus and a self-raising child are certainly doubtful.  That is the one side of the coin.

The other side is Penelope Trunk's take which some of her own readers term as sexist, where she has openly quoted that according to studies made in US most women want to have a part time job once they have kids and hence media shouldn't celebrate Sandberg and Mayer as the icon for modern women. Trunk takes bringing up children pretty seriously, proof of it is in her decision to homeschool both her kids. Hence her side of the coin also seems very justified.

So if you are trying to flip the coin to decide which side is correct and who should be your icon to lead your life, remember there is always a 50:50 chance of getting either side and hence a 50:50 in getting all that you want. 

For career-focused women in India there are these choices:

1) Have joint family and leave your kids in the care of your in-laws or if you are lucky to be in the same city as your parents shift in the same neighbourhood and leave your kids with them. Some even opt for shifting their parents/in-laws to their city for a few years

2) Get a bai/aya to stay whole day or half-day in your house and let them take care of your kids

3) If you are lucky again, leave your kids with the creche attached to your office or else opt for the non-professional, over-crowded creche cum nursery in your neighbourhood.

While the first option is safe and nearly as good as you staying back to bring up your children, it is rare. I personally don't find it a viable and long term choice to make our parents relocate and introduce a turmoil in their life of constantly hovering between their place and ours. But then again many are not left with a choice and find it more comforting for their parents to make a adjustment, mostly for financial stability. The other two options are less fulfilling as no aya/bai or creche can give children the kind of environment for healthy growth of mind, that we can.

Between all this push and pull, I realize most women sometimes take a decision to accept that having it all is a myth and compromise either career or family, down the line. It may make you angry that such choices are not forced upon men but that's how it is. Many men in US are opting to take care of their children and stay back at home to assume the role of the care-giver but that doesn't solve the issue for us all but only selected women. Even for these men their life remain un-fulfilled once their children grow up and they don't need to spend as much time around them. 

So here's my conclusion, for women of my age who constantly seek out an icon to follow and the right path to walk in. There is none. A very minor chunk of women can have it all because we have been wired like that. I hate to say and even accept this but women have to delve into their minds and sort out how they want to etch out their lives. What will give you highest satisfaction or happiness. There is no point flowing with the wind of change and saying you  want to have a high-flying career when you keep on eyeing your ex-colleagues who seem so satisfied with their cute little kids. Vice-versa if having kids is not such an alluring thought for you and your spouse, then may be sketch out ways to concentrate more on your career than having that perfect life, like our last generation etches it out. 

One thing is for sure we women have to be stronger, more intuitive and thoughtful while leading our life whether we dedicate our lives to our families or our career.

Here's an article I found after I published my blog; story from the horse's mouth: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-cant-have-it-all/309020/